Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas blog: Cool stuff. Cooking for 93.

The odds that anyone is going to read the blog today are so slender, it's improbably ridiculous.

However, for those of you who have tripped over my website today, you will not go away empty handed.

First up: have you ever had to cook for relatives?  On Thanksgiving?  Without any help from the vast army you're feeding?

If the answer is yes: enjoy.




















Next up, you've seen my videos -- and if you haven't, look in the right hand margin, and you'll find them soon enough.

However, now that I've seen this awesome group, I think I should hire them before I try doing another one.



Wednesday, December 21, 2011

What the hell, seriously?

What's wrong with you women?  And I mean that with the deepest, most sincere respect, but what the hell.

I recently started dating again.  Not so much jumping back into the dating pool, but trying to swim at the deep end of the pool.  Someone sends me an email on Okcupid.com, a dating website, and I reply.  She thinks I'm cool, and awesome, and I don't know who she thinks she's talking about, but apparently, tag, I'm it.

Great, I have a date. And the woman works not five minutes from my house. By walking.

Even more important, when I tell her that I don't want an over-sexed relationship, she agrees. This can't get any better.  Really.

We talk, we meet.  She's pleasant, and friendly, with a light southern accent, well spoken, 5'9", and somewhere northwards of 190 ... but I really don't care, I'm not much to look at either.

So we sit down at the local pizza place...  and she's playing footsie with me ten minutes into the date.  How do I know? Because after twenty minutes, she's either fondling my shoe with her foot, or she really isn't noticing.

And, I asked her.  She said yes....Yeah, I asked a woman if she was flirting with me .... shut up. I know nothing of nonverbal cues.  I need a great big neon sign and fireworks.

By the end of the dinner portion of our evening, I start walking her towards my car, offering her a ride home.  She's wrapped arm and arm with me ... I go with it, it seems harmless.  When I ask why she wanted to avoid the garlic rolls, she said "You're a smart guy, you'll figure it out."

Blink .... Wait, does that mean she expects me to kiss her?  Well, okay, not a problem. I'm okay with that.  And I try it, and she needs me to help her walk for a little.

Finally I drop her off at home, she invites me in.  She kisses me.  There's some of that, and we go back to talking.  Though, after a while, given her reactions to kissing, I figure I should ask something -- how she saw the evening playing out.

By end of the evening, she's humping my leg....  Fail.

Let's fast forward to this week  (yes, leg humping was only two weeks ago. Tis the season, apparently).

This week, I compliment a female writer friend of mine about her book.  I give her nothing but compliments.

I tell her that I can hear Alyson Hannigan playing out one scene in her book.  My exact words: "all I can hear is a vampiric Alyson Hannigan saying “Bored now, bye.” "-- citing a particular episode from Buffy the Vampire Slayer where the actress was a vampire in an alternate dimension.

I tell her that I liked her use of time; it was very 24-ish (yes, I like 24; Jack Bauer rules, and let's torture the shit out of terrorists. Anyone got a problem with that?).

And I reacted to one of her scenes with an "Oy" and a great big smiley.

Her reply?

I realize you're used to making uncensored comments on manuscripts, but it really doesn't help when the first public comment on something I've written is "Bored now, bye"! 
If it's boring, you can do what everyone else does and just stop reading it. I will not be offended. This chapter was very girl-talky anyway, and you're not a girl-talk kind of reader.


WHAT? I compare the book to a thriller, and you ask about girl talk. I compare your character to something out of Joss Whedon, you read that as "boring"?  


WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Writing a love story.





I've mentioned how many different things that my novel, A Pius Man, happens to be. I've mentioned how I blow up public places. That there is philosophy, shootouts, history, explosions, theology, a car chase, RPGs (not role playing games), property damage, and … hmm, there's something else there.

Oh, yeah, a love story.

It's not that strange. After all, a love story seems almost obligatory nowadays. Usually, as a motivation for senseless violence after killing off half of the couple involved. Even if it's as simple as a boy and his dog … or a boy and his robotic killing machine in Terminator 2.

I mean, hell, what makes me qualified to do a romance subplot? I mean, hell, I'm weird, maybe you've noticed. Just from the various and sundry topics on the site, I'm all over the place. I've done comic books, politics, terrorism, writing, music, book reviews, and the list keeps going. The less said about theology, the better.

But a love story?

Here's the thing. I'm in love …

Yes, with a woman … Yes, she's human …

And non-fiction …

No, she's not “from Canada”...

Though she might as well be.

It's complicated.


I met this woman online, and she didn't come onto me in any way. She saw I was a fan of J. Michael Straczynski, when she asked to be friends on Myspace. This was back when Myspace was actually good for something ...

Yes, that long ago.

We exchanged emails. We found out that we have a lot in common. We make fun of the same people. We like the same authors. We have the same sense of humor....

Turn Coat (The Dresden Files, Book 11)On the same sense of humor: we each started talking about one book that had come out – a Jim Butcher novel called Turncoat. My family had gotten the book before her local library had, and she said, “No spoilers.”

At which point, my default setting was to tease her. “So I shouldn't tell you about the love interest being the traitor, and Y-person 'comforting' our hero afterwards …? …. Which of course is impossible for me to know, because I haven't I haven't been able to read the book at all, so I know nothing.”

Her response was “Ye gods, your second paragraph had me wanting to claw my eyes out before I got to your third! Mission accomplished; you got me good.”

I think I fell a little bit in love with her that day.

Though what prompted me to first say it was when she sent me a little bit of “flair” that said “Good morning, I see the assassins have failed.”

And I had sent her the exact same flair about the exact same time.

My reply was mostly in jest: “I am certain that we are compatibly dorky and violent. I must hit on you.... “

Her response: “Hit on me? This could get scary if we're ever on the same side of the continent at the same time. But don't let that stop you. :)”

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Vol. 1

But that was as far at it went. The rest of that exchange had to deal with the spoilers discussion from above. Every once in a while, we would mention “flirtation subtitles,” or hand signals (via email). We would compare dating histories, then discuss Alan Moore's League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Victor Hugo, and try to write Jim Butcher's next few books for him. We had similar jokes on sex scenes in novels – and even considered doing a similar twist on the cliché for a later novel: an idea we had developed independent of each other.

We challenge each other – I know she challenges me, and she claims the same, but she covers it so very well and so effortlessly, I wouldn't know unless she told me.

We then started shipping books back and forth for conferences she didn't get to, but I did, and vice versa. She got me into a webcomic she was following in hardcopy … then I read ahead of her by reading it online.

Jaws (30th Anniversary Edition)After two years of back and forth, we met in person at an aquarium. Nothing overdramatic, but it was pleasant. We talked of comic book characters, and sharks and Peter Benchley. When we tried footnoting the real life story Benchley stole Jaws from, we both knew it was 1916, in the New York area, but we disagreed on the shark type and the exact location. Then we found a plaque dedicated to Jaws, and discovered that I was right about the shark, she was right about the location.

Together, we can remember a whole story.

I suspect that with her, I can even pass for a whole and complete person.

Since we are on opposite ends of the universe, she has encouraged me to try dating -- if only as a trial run. She is the only woman for whom I would drag myself into the quagmire of the dating pool.

No, she is not the most beautiful woman in the universe – well, she is, but I can't say that, because she somewhat disagrees with me on the topic, and it's easier just to smile, nod, and talk about something else.

I think she's beautiful and wondrous. And she is truly the brightest star in my star ...

Thankfully, I have a 50/50 chance of her reading this blog … so, shhh, don't tell her.

But not only is she beautiful, she's smart, and kind, and generous. She offers time she doesn't have, but by God, she will make it. I suspect if/when A Pius Man sells it will be because of her time and effort in edits.

No, it's not easy. I've hit her self-destruct buttons a few times without knowing it. In fact, once, I jabbed it repeatedly in the same few hours without realizing it. And I nearly triggered a nervous breakdown. By email alone.

We're working on our communication.

As I said, not easy. But if love were easy, I wouldn't trust it. I've had love come to me easily. Twice. Both times, it ended in the most spectacularly awful implosion.

So, it's not easy. But it's right.

That is pretty much what I hope to do in my novels...

Notice how my relationship developed. Little details. Small things that add up into a very nice big picture. Our tiny jabs at Stephen King, the light teasing about Terry Prachett. Change the details if you like, but that's mostly how I like to think most romance stories should go.

Then again, if I wrote a romance novel, I suspect that my two leads would only get to an “I love you” by the end of the book. Possibly on the last page. Or when they're about to be killed.

And it's not easy. But it's right.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Videos of A Pius Man

A lot of what I've been doing lately has been in support of my novel A Pius Man..  This includes movies ... yeah, I'm doing my own trailers. Without CGI.

This is where I've collected the ones done thus far.

This wasn't the first one, but it was a remodeled version of it. I cleaned up the typeface a little, and I think the visuals are spliced together better.



The images are obviously not done by me. Anyone who's found the Vatican Ninja images I've done will notice that.  They're from a lot of books that take one side of the Pope Pius XII argument, such as it is. And, just maybe, a Dan Brown novel.

I'm subtle like that.

And then, then there were the character trailers.

[More below the break]

Music blog: Heart of a Dragon, One Winged Angel, and Halo


Sorry, this Tuesday, I can't honestly say that there's anything I want to blog about.....



So, music blog.



You remember back when I mentioned I was a nerd? This is proof. I present you with the most epic soundtrack I've heard in years .... the main theme for the Halo video game series.



While I originally wanted to post this video, the owner disabled embedding. Darn it.










I have mentioned Dragonforce once or twice. Like I said before, I like their music for fight scenes. I'm not sure I understand what their songs are about.






And then there's this. Another video game soundtrack. This is the main villain's theme from Final Fantasy 7. I've never played the game, but I can't argue with a theme that can utilize an entire orchestra.












Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Music to Write To: Winterborn, Cambreadth, and Over the Hills....


Sometimes your friends know best.



After months of doing non-fiction, "high-intellect" blog posts, some of my friends could see what it was doing to me better than I could. Let's just say that they could tell I was under a strain. Also, they found the posts boring.


So, time for something fun.

It's been a while since I posted on this blog, and I really think I should get back into the swing of posting whatever I like. Which include history, blowing stuff up on paper, and doing it to really cool music.

Here's some more stuff that I enjoy writing to.


"Winterborn," by the Cruxshadows. I never know what to do with this band. They are nominally "Goth,"  but they tend to use a lot of classical imagery. I first encountered from in a John Ringo novel called Ghost.(A book I will talk about at a later date, with a few cautionary notes ... it's not that bad, but there is one section that should carry a warning label)  I had no idea what the song was about, so I looked it up on YouTube. The title is taken from something that could be from the original Illiad -- that the bravest of those who died were born in winter.

In this case, the visuals are taken from the video game "Halo 2."




"March of Cambreadth," by Heath Alexander. I first discovered this song in a John Ringo novel called When the Devil Dances, a scifi military novel about a cannibalistic Mongol horde spreading through the galaxy, with only humans to stand in the way. While the author himself refers to it as carnography (which I can only presume means "carnage porn"), it's well designed, the characters fully developed, and there's enough scheming and political intrigue to fully screw up a war.... the images are from the tv show Babylong 5, which happens to also be a scifi war epic. I know this because I assembled the video myself.






"Over the Hills and Far Away."  It's an army song from the Napoleonic wars, and was first introduced to most people through the British tv movie series "Sharpe's Rifles." Richard Sharpe, the main character, was played by Sean Bean.... coincidentally the one who played Boromir in the video below.





"Over the Hills and Far Away," by Nightwish.  I found this one song while looking for the it's partner above. And, wow, was I in for a surprise.







And, a final one for today.  Remember all of those movie trailers, when you listen to the awesome soundtrack, and you expect to hear it in the movie... only to discover that it's not there, only in the trailer?

Odds are, it's Two Steps from Hell.



Music Blog: 307 Ale, Halo, Dragon Rider

By the way, before we begin, please remember that we have a contest ongoing.  Also, if you could check out some of our sponsors on the way out, it would be nice.  Thanks.

Anyway, today is the return of Filk music.

Tom Smith: 307 Ale .... the world's first hyper beer.



More below the break.

FAQ: Where do you get your ideas?

I've been doing a bit of writing, and I've touched on this briefly during the series on how I created A Pius Man, but, apparently, the question many authors are besieged with is “How do you come up with your ideas?”

Short answer: formal viewpoint. Or a functional mentality.

For example, last year, I saw Forbes Magazine with cover article about how al-Qaeda was losing money, and it suggested that Osama "needed a new business model."

I can not make this stuff up.

The point is, people look at things from a “formal viewpoint.” I would look at a large pile of money and think of where a character would hide it. An accountant would probably count it all. A pyromaniac would look at it as stuff to burn.

[More below the break]

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Music blog: Tom Smith's Rocket Ride, Where Dragons Rule, Halo


This is Tom Smith's classic "Rocket Ride."  Basically, making fun of every major high-budget scifi movie made .... possibly in the last twenty years.  Give or take a decade.


I think it's kinda fun.

Enjoy






Dragonforce: Where Dragons Rule, as done to Halo.



Month in review: November, 2011

Well, another month shot to hell.  :)

Anyway, November was an interesting little month. This was the month I discovered Stumbleupon.com.... and I posted links to almost every single blog entry, and tossed in some of Masks as well .... only in that case, I crashed the website for a little bit. Oops.

So, all of that adds up to this month having over 13,255 hits on the blog.  It's been a good month.  Even if I had to rewrite the top ten blog list. I may still yet have to.

Anyway...

I've written characters of mine who take surveys, starting with Egyptian cop Hashim Abasi ... who has a list of enemies on his mouse pad.

And, if you ever missed a video we've done thus far, well, you can't: here are the complete Videos of A Pius Man.  Not to mention that there's also a video going around the net that makes me think I have to seriously up my A-game: a live action recreation of a video game fight from the epic game Arkham city.

Oh yes, and there is a contest going on: I hope someone has noticed.

Our music blogs have had: Dragonforce's Heart of a Dragon, Final Fantasy's One Winged Angel, and MozartWe also had Tom Smith's Cooking for 93 ... a little something for Thanksgiving.  There was also the classic science fiction summary in song Rocket Ride, by Tom Smith, as well as some Dragonforce's Where Dragons Rule.  We also had some Two steps from Hell, and the greatest beer that any bar has ever had for sale: it's Three-oh-seven Ale.

I've also had the most FAQ that any author has ever had to deal with: "Where do you get your ideas from?"  Here's an answer.

There was also some issues with Google.  Feh.

And, finally, there was a self defense review: with kill shots, Occupiers, and ... something else, I'm sure.

See you Monday.

The Politics of ... Captain America?

I don't think words can really convey how much I hate politics.  Even though I've done at least two blogs on the topic, around the Ground Zero Mosque, and the politics of my novel, and I would like politicians to just shut up already.

But now, someone had to go putting their politics into my comic book movies.

Before I continue, this is nothing new. Every time a superhero movie comes out, it must be metaphor for modern politics. The Dark Knight was seen by some idiots at the NYTimes as a commentary on the War on Terror.  Which is odd, I thought it was merely "the Joker is evil, and if we're going to catch the bugger, we're going to have to break a few laws to do it."

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Platinum Series Special Extended Edition)The Times were also instrumental in discussing the Lord of the Rings as metaphor as well, with the theatrical release of Return of the King's absence of Saruman being likened unto a missing Osama.  Instead, everyone who saw the Return of the King, special edition knows that Saruman was deleted from the film because of time issues.

Spoiler alert:

Saruman the White is dead.

So is Grima Wormtongue.

So is Osama bin Laden.

The end.

Now, somebody at Salon  has decided to make Captain America into something ... else.

After the July 22 release of the summer blockbuster "Captain America: the First Avenger," we'll probably see even more Captain Americas waving placards at protests for all parts of the political spectrum. The Red, White and Blue Avenger is and always has been a potent political image, but whose side would Captain America be on? Would he be a New Deal Democrat slinging his mighty shield for new public works programs or would he be rallying with the Tea Party to lower taxes on billionaires and gut Medicare? Whose Captain America is he anyway?

I can't make this up.

Captain America with an economic policy? Really? Doesn't he have enough problems with facing the forces of darkness every other day?  "Captain America, what's your stance on -- oops, this just in, Hydra's trying to take over the world again ... and Captain America just ran away from our reporters' questions!  How dare he!!!"

Anyway, the quote above is taken, as noted, from Salon.com. Someone sent me a National Review Online newsletter, with an interesting, non-political stance.
 Must he have a position on entitlement reform? Can't he spend most of his waking hours fighting the Red Skull, Crossbones, Hydra, and Avengers' management issues? (Picture him working out the schedule: "Can't leave Iron Man and Thor working the Friday night shift together; they'll take a Quinjet on a beer run and before the night is over, some building will get leveled, some villain will be pummeled and filing an excessive force suit, and some innocent bystander will touch some mystic artifact or advanced nanotechnology and 'have an origin.'" )

I may just be easily amused, but I find it funny that the National Review writers are nerds.

I'm a little embarrassed that someone has to write this down. And the sad thing is, the Salon writer seemed to be in deadly earnest. Argh.

But, seriously, someone has got to go on their meds.  Now.

Month in Review: October, 2011



October is the month where everything went very, very strange.  And, that was apparently a good thing.

I started out with something that pissed me off: DC Comics turning Starfire and Catwoman, two of their stronger female protagonists, into sluts, to put it charitably.  They were so totally reduced to sex objects, I wanted to throw rocks.

So I threw angry language at them instead.

Ironically, in one month, it has become the most read post on this entire blog, beating out Disasters to Marvel at, which is a year old.

Also, I decided to get back to creative writing, creating more surveys that my characters have filled out.  You know, the older online essays that used to be sort of fun.  I had one for the German spy Manana Shushurin, and another for the Secret Service agent and nerd, Wilhelmina Goldberg, as well as the lethal weapon, Irish Interpol Agent Maureen McGrail.

I didn't have all that many music blogs this month.  I threw up some John Williams marches, and Tom Smith taking his revenge on technology and Rob Granito

A false report on gay marriage in the military made me start an irate blog .... then I wanted a better footnote, discovered that the story I based my indignation on was bogus, and I was stuck with a blog I had to rewrite, very, very fast.

I put in another blog on writing. This time it was a matter of "how to exposition like crazy" -- when you have to dump a graduate paper's worth of information into one novel.

Also, I had a little conversation on how to write for disaster.  It's mostly how to write characters who are supposed to be terrified, when you yourself have never been quite that scared -- and, making certain that your character's fear is appropriate both to the situation, and the person.

And, there was my self-defense review for the month -- with my  my self defense columns for October. It had to do a lot with Occupy Wall Street, self defense for women, and self defense against the zombie apocalypse .... I'm serious about the zombie apocalypse part.

Catholic conspiracies 3.  This was almost a replacement for It was inspired after I saw a lot of idiots try to pin Occupy Wall Street on "crypto-Jewish Jesuit fascists founded by the Illuminati."

I want my Vatican ninjas.

Catholic Conspiracies 3: Jesuits, OWS, and the Vandals Are Here.


Vatican

Ninja

Remod

(Draft)
Once upon a time, very long ago, I discussed how the Catholic Church seems to be the favorite of multi-generational bands of abject nutcases.  I then expanded the topic, discussing how many fruit loops were involved, and that was titled The Revenge of the Vatican Ninjas.

In this case, we're going to add a bit of local politics.  And by local, I mean New York.

Has anyone heard of Occupy Wall Street?

If you haven't, that's okay, they're rather annoying -- essentially a fun bunch of anarchists hanging out in Zuccotti park who were told that 1968 was a really fun time, that bathing is bad for you, and it's quite okay to defecate wherever you deem fit.  It's not so much a political movement as an unruly mob. They're mad as hell, they're not going to take it anymore, and they are rebels without a clue -- when someone says they hate Wall Street, and the bailouts of Wall Street, yet they don't protest anyone who was bailed out, this spells stupid to me.

They've attacked police officers, and they want the redistribution of wealth, but they whine when their stuff is stolen.  At the end of the day, while they may appear threatening, they are mostly harmless.  And if you read any of the links, you'll notice that I spend most of my time making fun of them.  Just don't tell my editors, they may think I'm having too much fun.

So, what does this have to do with Catholic conspiracies?

Well, recently, I did a search on twitter for "Jesuits."

Big, big mistake. 

Apparently, now, the Jesuits are a crypto-Jews / Nazi / Zionist organization, bent on establishing the New World Order via Occupy Wall Street .... And, of course, founded by the Illuminati. 

As my friend Jason says,


"It's the internet. I'm not surprised about anything I find on it anymore. I think it was created by Cthullu, not Al Gore. It's a bottomless pit that WILL stare back at you if you look at it too hard. In the dark. On a cold winter night. With eerie music playing in the background (Cthullu has a MP3 player)."
I have to ask, now -- what are you people smoking?  Or is it that the internet goes to the loudest spammers, who happen to be nutjobs with unlimited time on their hands.

Either way, it's always good to see that nothing ever changes.


The amusing part of the Occupy Wall Street movement as "crypto-Jewish Jesuit conspiracy" is twofold, really.  One, they've got an emerging anti-Semitic group in there, with makes the whole "evil Jewish Conspiracy" part kinda stupid .... er.  


On the other hand, their fellow occupiers have issues with breaking other people's toys.

How so?

I'll give you one guess.

Their international branch at "Occupy Rome," in addition to firebombing cars, has taken upon itself to smash up religious icons.

All I can think is: if this happened to a synagogue, would the Mossad have already killed everyone in this photo by now?

But, no, it's just the Catholics.  So, who cares?

Ann Margaret Lewis, posted this to her facebook page and asked "Why?"

And isn't it obvious?  Because Catholics are "evil, baby-raping priests," and most of these people are too busy worshiping their iPads . And they like to talk about how they should "eat the Rich"-- and the Catholics are wonderfully rich and powerful, aren't they? They have so many shiny things, after all.... And, somehow, the sarcasm isn't burning a hole in my keyboard.

And, sure enough, someone said just that, responding with two recent stories.**   And by recent, I mean they happened the week before.  The words are "innocent until proven guilty ... unless he's Catholic," aren't they? But, it's nice to see anyone can justify a hate crime is the target is "right."

But, thus far, Occupy Wall Street has endorsements from the Nazi party of America, the Communist party, and David Duke.

Between this and the above "evil Jesuit plot," it seems that a faceless, aimless rabble makes for a great Rorschach test for ideologists of any stripe.  "Oh look, there's a group of angry protesters, they must hate who I hate," or "they embody everything I despise."

Vatican Ninja Chibi.

"Grr. Arrgh"
While it is quite entertaining to watch a group of people go slowly insane, it's time these guys ought to come up with a coherent message. Hell, the Tea Party's wants could be summed up as "We hate big government, we want fewer taxes, less spending and no Obamacare."

With the OWS, we have the Nazis, the Klan, the Communists, "we hate Jews / big business / brand names / we're wearing brand names/ we hate bailouts but won't protest those who got bailouts ...."  

Oh, yeah, and they're an evil Jesuit conspiracy.....

Can I have my Vatican Ninjas now?

**The footnotes are below the break.

Neil Gaiman, Minnesota, and Writer's Mistakes.


Writers make mistakes.

This is probably not a good topic to discuss on a writer's blog, but it's the truth. And I try to serve the truth as often as possible without getting myself into even more trouble than I find naturally. People can learn from mistakes, even if those mistakes are performed by other people.

Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, WitchNeil Gaiman is a British author with a couple of novels to his name, and several tv episodes. I only enjoyed two works by him – Neverwhere, and The Graveyard Book. The one other book of his I truly enjoyed is called Good Omens, and there is nothing he can say or do to prove to me that Terry Prachett didn't take over the book entirely.

Recently, Mr. Gaiman (I prefer to pronounce it Guy-mun, not “Gay-man”) spoke at a Minnesota public library. He made a four-hour public appearance, for which he was paid $45,000 dollars.

Yes, he made over $10,000 per hour.

Harlan Ellison, an author who has been writing since the dawn of time … or at least the dawn of modern science fiction … makes $10,000 for an entire convention appearance, and Gaiman isn't half as interesting as Ellison. Trust me, I've met Ellison, and I've seen Gaiman.

A Minnesota politician has referred to Gaiman as a “pencil-necked weasel-thief” for walking off with that much money for a measely four hours.

Gaiman, in his defense, has said that he wanted to charge far less. The library claimed that the money was earmarked for library events, and the earmark expiration date was almost up. They could either use the money, or lose it. So, he took the money, and gave some to charity, some to his agent, etc.

Now, after the politician made noise, Gaiman has turned around, and started exchanging insults with Minnesota, at least on his Facebook page, as he tries to defend his honor (or honour, if you wish to go British). And he's whining that he's being put on a Republican “hate list”....

Now, I don't know about you, but there's something wrong about the whole thing.

For instance, should I ever become interesting enough to be invited anywhere to speak, I'm going to wonder at being offer forty-five grand.

I can imagine the conversation going as follows.

“Hey, we really liked your book, A Pius Man. We want you to come speak here. We'll give you $10,000 an hour. Please?”
Me: [Blink, blink, blink.] “How much?”
“About $45K. Is that not enough?”
Me: “I didn't think I was that interesting. Why $45K?”
“Because that's our event budget. We have to use it, or we're going to lose it.”
Me: “By 'lose it,' do you mean it will spontaneously combust? Fall down a rabbit hole and disappear? Turn to ash?”
“No, the state will just take it back.”
Me: “So, gee, you can either give me all of the taxpayer's money that you still have in your budget, or you can actually let the taxpayers actually have it back? Gee, I'm so happy I can give you an excuse to spend money for the sole purpose of spending money, in the middle of a major recession. How about this: get stuffed. I want nothing to do with you idiots.”

But, now, Neil Gaiman is the persecuted one. Huh. Really? One, it's Minnesota, how many people would know anything was up if it weren't for Gaiman's replies? I know I wouldn't. Two, this sounds like the library wanted to burn through the cash it had, and claim "We used our event budget this year, give us the same next year."

So, an open letter to Neil ....

Dear Mr. Gaiman.

I know you're not from the United States, so let me give you some pertinent information about Minnesota.

Number one: Minnesota is odd. This is a state that gave the position of governor to a former pro-wrestler named Jesse Ventura. It also made a clown one of their senators – a man named Al Franken.

In terms you can understand: Politically, Minnesota is Lewis Carroll country. They have fallen down a rabbit hole, and they have have yet to come out again. These people make Wonderland seem reasonable.

Number two: You took the money. I don't care what you did with it, you took taxpayer money. In the middle of a recession. You claim you would have attended the event for far, far less. Did they make you take it? Did they hold you up at gunpoint and force a check on you? I don't care how you redistributed the cash, this was taxpayer money. If the public library couldn't burn through it in the time allotted, that was their problem.

Didn't you think it odd that a public library paid you more money than bigger talents would get for an entire science fiction convention? They used you to aid and abet government waste in a recession. You were an excuse to burn cash. Why? Best guess: In all likelihood, if the public library didn't spend the money, their budget next year would have been cut to match what they spent this year.

Number three: You're Neil Gaiman. Why are you getting into the muck and mire with hacks from Minnesota? Why? You did nothing illegal. Some Minnesotan called you names … highly unoriginal names … and you, you poor widdle baby, are up in arms over it. You declare yourself on a Republican “hate list.” Really? You're going to play the Nixon card? Let's avoid the fact that there must be more than one person for there to be a list. Also, just because the politician is a Republican, you're not a target of the Republican National committee. You're not Bill Clinton; there is no vast, right wing conspiracy out to get you. As far as I can tell, there's just one guy – one guy who you have decided to make far more interesting by engaging with him.

You, sir, are a writer. You should have a thicker skin than this.

In conclusion … What the hell are you doing? While I question the wisdom of taking the cash, and thus exposing yourself to this idiocy, you are now actively diving into the muck and mire that is the cesspool of Minnesota politics. Do you think that a guy from Minnesota will affect your popularity in any way? If you hadn't decided to engage, I probably would have never heard of the quote, the politician, and I might have been safe from hearing anything about Minnesota until the next time Al Franken ran for political office.

This isn't your problem. Whoever paid you the money “just to get rid of it” shouldn't have burned through the money because it was there. That person should be fired. While I question your wisdom in taking the cash, you did nothing against the law. Why are you defending yourself against a gnat?

Stop playing silly buggers with rejects from the madhouse. Just tell these idiots that you didn't set the price, and if they're going to insult you, tell them to hire Terry Prachett as their speechwriter.

Thank you.

PS: The only Republican I know who may have an opinion on you is President George W. Bush -- and that's only because he liked Babylon 5: a show you wrote for.

Self defense review: Zombies, Women's self defense, Barbara Sheehan

October was a really weird month for me, truly. And how is that difference from any other month, you ask?

To start with, most of my self defense review materials turned out to be comedies.


Taking this month in chronological order will probably make the most sense.

To start with, I discovered a new Women's self defense, every Sunday.in Manhattan.  It's Krav Maga for women -- which is actually more advanced than going for straight, plain-old Krav Maga, believe it or not. It has to be for some of the techniques to be effective.

And then, of course, there was the little incident of Barbara Sheehan, battered women: which is always a problem.  In New York, you can't kill anyone and get away with it. That includes if you kill someone in self defense. Even if a jury let's you go, the New York District Attorney's office will find some way to throw you in jail, without remorse.

But, then again, the odds of that happening are more likely when you consider that Barbara Sheehan shot her husband with his own gun while he was shaving, after she just came back from her next door neighbors. Click the link to read more.

After that, things got a little weird. Yesterday, I covered the latest in Catholic Conspiracies, with Occupy Wall Street.  I also did several articles about them kicking around.  I not only did articles about protection from them, and how dangerous they may or may not be (answer: mostly harmless) but how they can protect themselves -- both from each other (ie: how NOT to have your $5K laptop stolen), and their own stupidity (eg: DON'T ATTACK THE POLICE!!!!!).

I also discovered that the same people who brought you last month's self defense seminar has a new one: knife and stick defenses.

And last, but not least .....


Okay, I have to deal with a lot of strange stuff in New York. That's because it's New York.  Nothing here is really "normal" here.

And then there's the CDC creating the Zombie Preparedness kit ... and the comic book for it.

I can't make this stuff up.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Pfc Abdo, the Conscientious objector. The Revenge

I will issue a warning right now.  This post may have some ... intemperate language.

You may not remember my July 19th post about the inability of Muslims to be good Americans.... at least if you followed the logic and reasoning in the case of Pfc Nasser Abdo, a 21-year-old Muslim who discovered a religious objection to killing fellow coreligionists .... coincidentally, he discovered this religious objection in the lead-up to doing his own time in the field.


However, looking back, I wonder if anyone in the military bureaucracy talks to each other.

Why?

Because when Abdo was granted his status as a conscientious objector, he had already been AWOL (absent without leave) for over two weeks.  The charge? Possession of child porn.

It seems that when I referenced the Fort Hood shooter in my post about Abdo, I was more accurate than I knew.

Because Abdo was just arrested in Texas, in possession of firearms and
bomb-making materials
.  This comes from the Huffington Post, NBC DFW, and Fox News, so I think I'm being perfectly neutral here ...

The Associated Press reports that .... Abdo has admitted he was planning an attack on ....

Wait for it.....

Fort Hood.

In the coming weeks, I hope that the army deliberately put out the word that Abdo would be granted his conscientious objector status in order to allay his suspicions and drop his guard. If so, it worked ... I'm not that optimistic, but what the heck.  But, then again, I may have watched too many cop shows -- I half- suspect that Abdo's arrest on child porn may have been merely a cover to have the police talk with him in the first place.

But, then again, he used sharia law as a basis for his conscientious objector status.  If you read my previous article on Abdo, you know that sharia is the brand of Islam favored by people who enjoy cutting off body parts, and stoning women to death after they have been raped.

Oh, and the image above?  Notice the label in the lower right hand corner.  The photo is a screen capture of Abdo from an Al Jazeera television interview.

I wonder if that made anyone suspicious.

An anti-war group, Iraq Veterans Against the War, had helped Abdo with his conscientious objector application. They were simply shocked, shocked I say, to discover that Abdo was a terrorist wannabe.

One of them noted

"We’re shocked [at Abdo's arrest]. I believe he had some
significant mental health issues that became apparent as we worked with him. He
had a particular version of Islam that was certainly … He was disrespectful to
women. These were the kinds of issues we argued over late last year. It’s not a
religious thing, it’s a matter of human decency.”
I suspect it might be religious on his part, considering, again, he cited sharia law.  And if you guys did think he was a little nuts, why didn't you suggest to the military that they send him to a shrink?  You didn't need the conscientious objector status if he was nuts.

Anyway ... how did they catch Abdo, you ask?

We now go back to a previous story   ... that Terrorists are Stupid.

Abdo went to a local gun store near Ft. Hood.  In fact, he went to the same gun store where the first Fort Hood shooter bought one of the guns he used in his attack.

Now, I'm from New York, so my knowledge of the South is limited.  But, seriously, did he have no other option but to buy from a store within rock-throwing distance of his target, and then ask questions about it?

Even better.  Abdo went into the store, walked up to the store clerk (a 17-year veteran of the local police force), then bought bought 6 pounds of smokeless gunpowder, three boxes of shotgun
ammunition and a magazine for a semi-automatic pistol.

The clerk was concerned when Abdo asked questions about explosives .... in a gun store ....

Now, why would that set off any alarm bells?

Yes, my sarcasm is set to "kill."

Anyway ... this was just a follow up email.  I don't have anything more to add.  We can't say that this was an al-Qaeda sponsored plot, or payback for bin Laden.  And, while we have Oslo on one end, and this twit on the other, it looks like pure, 100% coincidence.  It is only in Tom Clancy novels that terrorists arrange for massive, three pronged attacks on multiple continents.

Then again, Tom Clancy is also where I first heard the line that "Fiction is different from reality. Fiction has to make sense."

Looking back on 9/11, ten years later.


[A more clinical and objective view can be found here.]

When I first walked into English class at St. John's University, it was a little before 9am. The professor was one Dr. Robert Forman.  He was always entertaining, and there's something about him that tells you he cares that you learn something in his class.

The first person I saw was my classmate Tony.  I said hello, and he asked, "Did you hear something about a plane running into the World Trade Center?"

And I laughed.  All I could think is what idiot could have missed noticing that there were two rather large buttersticks in the sky right in front of him?

I explained that to Tony.  He agreed, and I gave it no thought at all for the rest of the 90-minute class.

I went from one class to another -- Christian Spirituality and Mysticism, 10:40am, taught by a priest whose name I can't recall right this moment.  He was not only pleasant, but happy.  He was also very Italian, and joked about it often.

When I arrived, the professor wasn't there, and someone came into class saying that classes were canceled.

Huh.  That's odd.

I went to the nearest inter-university phone and called my father -- who was an Assistant Dean at SJU.  I called, told him my class was cancelled, and how are you doing?

"Come to the office."

Ok .... click.

Walking from one building to the other required that I cross from Marillac Hall, past Council and Newman Halls -- a narrow corridor outside that was as well directed as any sidewalk intersection without a traffic stop.

Ironically, it was afforded the best view of the Manhattan skyline that the University had to offer, without going into the university library --- SJU is, for the record, the highest point in Queens.

But, I didn't stop for a second. My pace was quick and even, mainly because there were so few people in my way -- for once.

Though there was one odd bit of business going on at the time, something I found odd even before I made it to my father's office: there were clusters of people with their cell phones out.  After the third such group, I felt like I was in a scene from Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds.

I walked into my father's office at the other side of the library, and before I could even open my mouth, my father said, "Planes have crashed into the Pentagon and the World Trade Center.  The twin towers are gone, and the Pentagon is burning."

And I remember this quite clearly, because I had a little red notebook with me at the time ... my first thought was "Didn't Tom Clancy already write this novel?"

My father suggested I go to the library, and observe the skyline.  by the time I got there, the library was locked.  So I walked back to the terrace I had just gone over.

Instead of a skyline, there were ground based storm clouds running from south to north.  I stood there for an unknown length of time, completely focused on it.  I didn't even notice my acquaintance Andy walk up next to me.

"I can't wrap my mind around it," he said.  "I can't believe they're gone."

 If I replied to him, I don't remember.

Much of what I had from that day I have preserved in my little red notebook -- a habitual writer's thing, a notebook.

I thought that Fr. Andrew Greeley was writing a column right that moment ... and he was, one that focused on the calmness of New Yorkers evacuating into New Jersey.

I thought that I had to rewrite my thriller novels, because one of them was a CIA assassin, and at that moment, I knew what she was doing at that exact moment in history.

I also knew that Osama bin Laden was a dead man walking. One way or another, someone was going to hunt him down, and shoot him.  Probably after he was hurt ... a lot.

On the way home, we had to drive around Union Turnpike, since the local park was a great site for emergency vehicles to assemble.

My family could only watch television that day because we had cable.  We must have watched the towers fall a dozen times by the end of the day.  There were theories that Camp David might be a target, because the Camp David accords had an anniversary that day, or soon.  And there was supposedly a car bomb outside of the state department.

The initial estimated dead: 55,000.  By 1pm, it had become 10,000.

At 6pm that evening, I was amused by a report.... four hours after the attacks in New York, parts of Kabul were burning. The Taliban were under attack. I wondered if (1) Mossad moved really fast, or (2), the dissidents wanted to get on our good side.  I would later learn that a leader of the Northern Alliance had been assassinated by the Taliban several days before, and that was their reprisal.


By that evening, there were 200 firemen missing, and 70 cops also MIA.

We had learned that there were people who jumped out of the towers rather than burn.

The next day, there was a pledge of support from Vladimir Putin.  Thousands of pints of blood were on the way from Israel....

And at 7:36 am on the morning of September 12th, the news had a good image of the Empire State building, with smoke in the background...

There was also no looting ... because this is not Los Angeles.  This is New York, where even the criminals were nice enough (or smart enough) to stay home.  There was a seven hour wait to give blood, until there were only those who were turned away.


We had shocking news: The NY Times said something nice about "the nazi," Mayor Rudy Guiliani, calling him Churchill in a baseball cap.

NY Governor Pataki had come down.  He thanked a fireman in critical condition for  his service, and the fireman said, "Well, what to you expect?"

And by night, there were so many who showed up with lit candles, the city looked like it was on fire.

By January 20, 2002, we had a count around 2,900 dead.

Ann Coulter made a statement that many were pissed off about: "We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity."

A quote which could be offensive if not for two things .... one: if you ever get a chance to read that article, you will notice that it was about mostly about a friend of hers, Barbara Olsen .... she was on a plane that flew into the Pentagon. So, she was annoyed.

When asked about it later, she told Fox news democrat Alan Colmes "We better convert them to something, even if it's what you call 'real Islam.' "

Which, frankly, converting the 10% of the muslim world that hate us (about 120 million, give or take) to something other than a sharia-variant would be a good idea.

My feelings about it were simple, and summed up by a quote from the tv show West Wing:
“We need to kill them, we need to find them and to kill them. We kill them. Then we find out who sent them and we kill them too. You kill the people who did it. You kill the people who planned it. Then you kill everyone who is happy about it….

I think at the end of the day, more people would rather have Ann Coulter's solution of converting people who want to kill us, even if it's to generic, Atlantic-avenue Islam, would be a better idea than my general feelings on the matter.

But, frankly, I don't think it's a matter of religion. Americans have protests and near riots over any civilian caught in a war zone. Instead, there were people who were having parties over 9-11; if someone feels happy about killing civilians, there is something wrong with that person as a human being. That person is about the same level as the average serial killer.

But, that was ten years ago .....
****

It's ten years later.


The cops and firemen who were there are being locked out of any 9/11 memorial.

They've locked out any and all priests from even showing up.

The cross forged from I-beams of the tower are being threatened by atheists with nothing better to do.

The unions who showed up in force to clear the rubble of the towers have started to turn it into a political freakshow.

Rye play land in New York has a "Muslim Day," and it turns into a riot because they banned all headgear from roller coasters.  This includes a a hijab -- something about not wanting the woman strangled or decapitated.

There are no replacement buildings yet.

And, damnit, I want a WTC with a missile battery.

Everyone likes to say never forget.

I hope this has made some people remember.

Self Defense Review: November 2011


It's that time of the month again.  We're back with yet another self defense review.



I started off this month with my last -- as in final -- article on Occupy Wall Street. I've had it with these people.  Not to mention that I wrote the article the day before the OWS were told that, no, squatting is illegal, and we're taking your tents away. Thank you.  If you ever wanted to know the problems that local business had with Occupy Wall Street, just click here.



If you ever wanted to scare off attackers, or at least make yourself look like a target that would give them trouble, you might want to try here.  You even get a song with it.



I've mentioned more than once that, well, accidents happen.  When you're attacked, and you must defend yourself, someone could die.  You should avoid it whenever possible, but sometimes, well, accidents can happen.  My friend Carlos helped me out with this one.



And, after I stole more than a few good lines and articles from this book, I decided to do a little review of The Special Forces Guide to Unarmed Combat.  It's surprisingly useful.



And, just for fun, I did a nice little article on how to Survive Black Friday.



I hope you all enjoy.

Self defense Review: DSK, Oslo, Pens as weapons, and Krav Maga.

You might remember a while ago, I posted a list of articles I have written for Examiner.com, about self defense in New York City.

I'm still writing for them, and it's still around.

Pens as weapons. (EDC Tools) A pen is an Every Day Carry tool.  Do you want to know how it can be used as a weapon?

Top ten "improvised weapons." This article pretty much means what it says.

Are you a target? Situational awareness Some people are natural born targets, mainly because they don't pay attention.  Could this be you?

Meeting people from online in real life, part one and part two  -- the title says it all.  After experiencing one or two dates where women have no problem at all accepting a ride from me, it says two things: on the one hand, I have a nice face, and people think I'm trustworthy. On the other, some people might be a little too trusting.

Self defense in New York. Again. Or: Killing people isn't fun. This covers a real life incident that explores the rules of engagement for defending yourself in New York.

Self defense and Child Obesity -- pretty much what it says.

Can New York City become Oslo? After someone tried to blow up Norway, I decided to focus my attention there for a while.

How to Spot a Suicide Bomber in 12 steps.  If you've been on this site a lot, you know this one already.  If not, enjoy.

DSK and Rape. I analyzed the rape charges against a French bureaucrat in New York, and I came up with a conclusion. And that conclusion is that there should be pain.

Levi Aron, Leiby Kletzky, and "stranger danger."  In New York, a little boy was killed, and dismembered.  The real danger would be bringing back an old practice that did no good the first time around.

Oslo, Abdo, a tale of two terrorists. This was the week that everyone tried to blow stuff up.  And I went nuclear in response.

Dealing with a stalker ex.  After listening to several female friends complain about these incidents, I decided there should be a how-to guide.

How to survive a bar fight in five easy steps Exactly what it says.

Parking lot safety. Hunting in the Urban Wild. You are the prey.

Purse-snatching defenses. They want your bag. You're going to hurt them.