Wednesday, December 21, 2011

What the hell, seriously?

What's wrong with you women?  And I mean that with the deepest, most sincere respect, but what the hell.

I recently started dating again.  Not so much jumping back into the dating pool, but trying to swim at the deep end of the pool.  Someone sends me an email on, a dating website, and I reply.  She thinks I'm cool, and awesome, and I don't know who she thinks she's talking about, but apparently, tag, I'm it.

Great, I have a date. And the woman works not five minutes from my house. By walking.

Even more important, when I tell her that I don't want an over-sexed relationship, she agrees. This can't get any better.  Really.

We talk, we meet.  She's pleasant, and friendly, with a light southern accent, well spoken, 5'9", and somewhere northwards of 190 ... but I really don't care, I'm not much to look at either.

So we sit down at the local pizza place...  and she's playing footsie with me ten minutes into the date.  How do I know? Because after twenty minutes, she's either fondling my shoe with her foot, or she really isn't noticing.

And, I asked her.  She said yes....Yeah, I asked a woman if she was flirting with me .... shut up. I know nothing of nonverbal cues.  I need a great big neon sign and fireworks.

By the end of the dinner portion of our evening, I start walking her towards my car, offering her a ride home.  She's wrapped arm and arm with me ... I go with it, it seems harmless.  When I ask why she wanted to avoid the garlic rolls, she said "You're a smart guy, you'll figure it out."

Blink .... Wait, does that mean she expects me to kiss her?  Well, okay, not a problem. I'm okay with that.  And I try it, and she needs me to help her walk for a little.

Finally I drop her off at home, she invites me in.  She kisses me.  There's some of that, and we go back to talking.  Though, after a while, given her reactions to kissing, I figure I should ask something -- how she saw the evening playing out.

By end of the evening, she's humping my leg....  Fail.

Let's fast forward to this week  (yes, leg humping was only two weeks ago. Tis the season, apparently).

This week, I compliment a female writer friend of mine about her book.  I give her nothing but compliments.

I tell her that I can hear Alyson Hannigan playing out one scene in her book.  My exact words: "all I can hear is a vampiric Alyson Hannigan saying “Bored now, bye.” "-- citing a particular episode from Buffy the Vampire Slayer where the actress was a vampire in an alternate dimension.

I tell her that I liked her use of time; it was very 24-ish (yes, I like 24; Jack Bauer rules, and let's torture the shit out of terrorists. Anyone got a problem with that?).

And I reacted to one of her scenes with an "Oy" and a great big smiley.

Her reply?

I realize you're used to making uncensored comments on manuscripts, but it really doesn't help when the first public comment on something I've written is "Bored now, bye"! 
If it's boring, you can do what everyone else does and just stop reading it. I will not be offended. This chapter was very girl-talky anyway, and you're not a girl-talk kind of reader.

WHAT? I compare the book to a thriller, and you ask about girl talk. I compare your character to something out of Joss Whedon, you read that as "boring"?  


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